Reshaping Me

First breakfast, now six a.m. walks

2008-05-05T08:12:00.004-04:00

I haven't been riding the bike very much lately, or, you know, at all even. Still, I've been working on my weight in different ways.

We're going into the sixth week of getting up and eating breakfast together at the table nearly every morning. I've noticed that, usually, I don't feel the need for snacks most of the day when I've had a good breakfast. In fact, I'm less hungry most of the day as long as I've eaten well by 730am. On days when I'm less hungry I tend to eat smaller meals at dinner, even though I usually have a hard time getting dinner started on time. That may have something to do with the late hour of the sunset rather than when I'm eating.

Since it's been six weeks of mostly successful breakfasts, I'm adding a new piece to the morning puzzle: walking at 6am. This morning while A. and K. were both grumbling and trying to dive back under the covers (typical for her, not so much for him), I was flipping on lights and chirping that it was time to get up and go outside to exercise (not so typical for me). We were out the door a little later than I had wanted, but we made it.

Over the weekend we "measured" the center lane of the apartment complex with the odometer on the car. Going from our cul-de-sac to the front, then all the way to the back, then back to our drive was roughly 0.4 of a mile. This morning while I was walking, I worked out that since there are four median breaks and they're all pretty evenly spaced, I'm fairly confident that lapping one of the medians (on the outside) is roughly 0.1 of a mile. It would stand to reason, then, that if I walk to the front, then all the way to the back, then back to my starting point then loop one of the medians on either side of my drive, that should be roughly half a mile (0.4 plus 0.1 equals 0.5 which is half a mile). Right?

Sounded good to me as I was walking at 6am so I did loop the median. If my numbers are correct, I did roughly half a mile in just at fifteen minutes. Not... the best time ever, but certainly not the worst, either.

Afterward, I cooked breakfast while A. and K. took showers and got ready for work and school and we sat down and ate.

So why get up when it's still dark to go walk while it's still dark? Well, because I live in Florida and it won't be too much longer before it'll be stifling hot at 6am, but not near as much as it will be at 9am, or noon, or 3pm, or even 6pm. Besides, it's dark outside and I can wear my exercise clothes and no one can see my fat jiggling because everyone is inside their apartments either sleeping or trying to get the coffee IVs started. Also, it's just a nice way to start the day.

I am hoping to start adding the bike back into my daily routine before too much longer. I've started taking my vinegar pills again so while my knee has been aching from all the abuse I've heaped on it during these past few weeks, it's not aching near as bad as it could be. That's a good thing in my world.

I've got to work on eating lunch at a reasonable time, though. Because I've been eating breakfast and not being as hungry throughout the day, lunch often does come until almost 2pm... and that's far too late. Oh. Maybe that's a factor in me not getting dinner started on time. Anyway, I need to work on that.

And that's all for now. I need to hop back on the chore wagon and get some stuff done.

Checking in.

2008-01-18T21:12:00.000-05:00

Wednesday I didn't get the chance to ride the bike because I was out all day shopping with my mother. When I woke up Thursday I was terribly sick and spent the day napping on the couch with almost no activity at all. We're still not sure what caused that but I'm much better now.

I didn't eat much today but I did fairly well in my choices and drank lots of water. I also rode further in my ten minute ride.

And I think I might ride again tonight before I go to bed. Maybe. I'm not sure yet. I feel energetic enough but I don't want to strain my knee. I suppose I'll give it another hour or so and see how I feel.

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mile check: 5.2
weight check: 273.8

Stretching is good for you.

2008-01-15T15:09:00.000-05:00

For the most part, I've never stretched. Ever. According to my mother I didn't even know how to bend until I was nearly five.

Taking that into account, it's odd that lately I've been stretching. Or maybe it's not so odd. It feels... good... to stretch. Both physically and emotionally.

I rode the bike again today. Yay me! I'm really not pushing myself other than making the effort to stay between 9.5mph and 10.5mph. It's a comfortable speed for me without being too slow. In ten minutes I can do 1.7 miles. Towards the end I do feel it burn a bit in my things and today I felt my knee start to strain just before the 1.5 mile mark. Eventually I'll progress beyond ten minutes, or I'll start making two miles in ten minutes. Either way, it will be progress and I'll know my body is ready for to try a little harder or just go a little longer.

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mile check: 3.4
weight check: 273.4

New beginnings in 2008

2008-01-14T16:37:00.001-05:00

While I don't do the typical New Year Resolution thing, I do tend to start things over with the changing of the calendar year.

For instance, I've gone into my Virtual Trip Across America account and wiped out all the 2007 data while adding the 1.7 miles I rode today. I won't be reposting the pictures for the first 30 or so miles, and even after that I may not post them at all. It's still too early to know how I'll feel about it.

I've also started adjusting my eating habits. During the months of November and December (2007) I was looking over my food logs and discovered that on days following a series of low carb days, I felt more energetic, ached less, and generally felt better. So! While I'm not exactly working towards a low carb life-style, I am working on keeping my carb intake per day lower than what I have allowed it to be in previous years.

And, finally, my weight. As I enter this new year it's up again, but I did spend a great deal of time not exercising during the later part of 2007. When I stepped on the scale this morning I was told that I weighed 273.8 pounds. I haven't yet set any weight goals for this year. I'm focused more on feeling better and having fewer days that I spend curled on the couch because it simply hurts too much to move. If I shed some pounds along the way then yay! I get new clothes! If not, then I'm ok with that too. And I still get new clothes.

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mile check: 1.7
weight check: 273.8

Ugh.

2007-08-29T18:50:00.000-04:00

Wow, talk about a month of slacking...

Between the busted up knee and some serious crisis moments recently I've either not been on the bike at all or not tracking what I rode, which admittedly wasn't much. (Like today; I rode 1 mile.)

I do, however, have plans to get back into the swing of things starting the September 1. I'd start tomorrow but there's supposed to be contractors here to, basically, rebuilding the bathroom in this apartment and it's going to be rather chaotic. Depending on how things go on Thursday, I may try to ride a mile tomorrow night or I may just drop into bed and sob myself to sleep.

Sigh. On hold while I nurse my knee

2007-07-13T23:37:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago I slipped and twisted my knee a little bit. A normal knee would have shrugged it off after a few days, but no, not my knee.

In the early fall of 1987 I was in a car accident that left both my knees quite temperamental. They don't tolerate much of anything and have the tendency to swell and stiffen just because they want to. Actually abuse them in any way (such as slipping on a damp floor and twisting them) and they get downright cranky.

Since the day I slipped, it's been an ongoing battle with me looking like I'm smuggling a softball where my knee should be on most days. Needless to say, bike riding is not so much of an option on those days. Walking is enough of a strain on my poor abused knee. So, the Virtual Tour is on hold until I can coax my knee into tolerating me being on the bike again.

And let me just say for the record, this sucks and I'm not happy about it at all.

Checkpoint - 26 miles

2007-06-28T21:32:00.000-04:00

I was a total slacker today. I only did four miles tonight after dinner. I'm still in Jamestown, VA and only three miles away from Chickahominy River, VA. This is where I'm at now:

I have a lot of thoughts twirling about inside my head but I'm not grasping anything too firmly just yet, so I'm heading to bed. Maybe I'll get things worked out in a day or three.

Checkpoint - 22 miles

2007-06-27T21:56:00.000-04:00

I didn't ride yesterday. Life was just wonky that way. However, after several hours of tossing and turning and not sleeping, I got up a little before midnight and rode 2 miles. I went back to bed, read for half an hour or so then slept. I didn't sleep well, but I slept.

This evening I rode 3 miles before cooking dinner, and then rode an additional 2 miles. I'm not sore, but I am tired. I think it's the not sleeping well lately. And not going to bed on time. Though I've been sleeping enough hours most nights, I've been going to bed at midnight or later each night, then sleeping later than I like in the mornings. I need to fix that.

Anyway...

I'm 7 miles from Chickahominy River, Virginia. This is what it looks like at 22 miles.

I think it might be time for bed now.

Checkpoint - 15 miles

2007-06-25T22:59:00.000-04:00

I rode 2 miles earlier in the afternoon then 3 more miles tonight after dinner. This afternoon's miles were... less easy... than they should have been, but I got almost no sleep last night. Factor in the not riding Saturday or Sunday, and yeah, I was surprised I made it two miles.

Tonight's miles were fairly easy. I planned on riding two miles, but felt strong enough to go to 2.5 when I hit 2. I ended up going three miles, and even then I think I could have gone another half mile without any real damage being done. I didn't want to push myself too hard, though, since I'm adding the morning ride to my routine.

So in all, I rode 5 more miles today. I'm in Williamsburg now and have 6.13 more miles to go before I hit Jamestown.

The picture is at the 14.8 mile mark.

Weekend update

2007-06-25T01:09:00.000-04:00

Normally this post would be on Saturday, but I was busy. And since it's so late tonight, I'll keep it short.

I didn't ride on Saturday or Sunday. While it was nowhere a lazy weekend for me, I decided it was better to take a day or two off. I plan to incorporate a morning ride into my days starting this week, so that I'm riding a few miles in the morning and a few miles in the evening. It may only happen a few days at first, but the whole idea is to build everything up slowly so that I don't hurt myself.

My weight as of Saturday morning was 275.6 pounds. Not a bad start at all.

And this is the map that shows the trail I'm taking all the way across the United States. The entire trip is 4063 miles. I've ridden 10 (that black dot is me). I have a loooong way to go.

Checkpoint - 10 miles

2007-06-22T22:52:00.000-04:00

Another 3.5 miles down the road brings me here:

I'm only 3 miles away from Williamsburg.

I can tell my stamina is building quickly. My period has me drained, but I rode easily tonight. By the time I hit three miles, I was still doing ok so instead of stopping I went on. The last quarter of a mile was a bit of a struggle, but still! Three and a half miles!

That's it for tonight. I'm distracted by Pan's Labyrinth.

Checkpoint - 6.5 miles

2007-06-21T22:16:00.001-04:00

Tonight's adventures took me another 2.5 miles down the road to here:

I believe I'm still in Yorktown, but I'm 6.5 miles away from Williamsburg, VA now. Yay me!

I rode at the usual resistance setting of 10 and kept the speed between 10 and 11 miles per hour. My thigh didn't cramp up at all, and I got only a little winded. My thighs did get a bit tight during the last half mile, but nothing too terribly painful.

I'm on my way to bed, and between the computer and bed I plan on doing some stretching.

Checkpoint - 4 miles

2007-06-20T19:58:00.000-04:00

Tonight I rode 2 miles straight. Again I had the bike's resistance set at 10, but this time I kept the speed between 10 and 11 miles per hour. I had no problems as far was breathing, getting hot or anything like that. I probably would have pushed myself to try for a third mile if I hadn't developed a stitch in my upper right thigh near the end of the second mile. The stitch eased up almost instantly once I stopped riding. I should probably start stretching or something before and after I ride.

I'm still in Yorktown, but there's only 9.10 miles to go before I'm in Williamsburg!

This is the 3.9 mile picture (they don't have a 4 mile picture):

Normally I wouldn't post the map, too, but since this is only the second day I'm still a little giddy and giggly about the black line showing how far I've gone.

This is the map of how far I've gone:

As final notes before I fall asleep watching the AFI 100 Years 100 Movies thing, I really don't expect to see any real change in weight for at least a week or more. I've set my first goal as to weigh 270 pounds by the end of July, 2007 because that should be fairly manageable without being too demanding on my joints or unrealistic. I'll be posting a weekly update on my actual weight on Saturdays. I still don't know if I want to post what I eat every day. That can get tedious, not to mention boring. And I believe that's it.

Check Point - 2 miles

2007-06-19T20:40:00.000-04:00

I took it rather easy on the exercise bike today. I did one mile earlier in the morning then a second mile after dinner. Both times I kept a steady pace of 10mph with a resistance setting of 10 (I don't know what that translates into, but it's a mid-range resistance on the bike).

I didn't want to push my legs or my joints too hard too fast, and although I didn't really feel any pain, there was a little strain and quiver in my thighs the second time but that faded rather quickly after I stopped riding. I did get a bit winded, though. Apparently my day to day activities haven't kept up my stamina. I'll take it slow while I build that up.

But! I rode two miles today. I'm still in Yorktown, Virginia.

This is the picture at 1 mile:

This is 2 miles:

Virtual Tour Across America

2007-06-19T14:34:00.000-04:00

This is the starting point for the virtual tour.

This is what that starting point - Yorktown, Virginia - looks like.

Later tonight I'll post my progress for today as well as pictures of my stopping point.

Day 1

2007-06-19T12:31:00.001-04:00

I am fat. Weighing in at 277, that's the pure and simple truth of it. And it's long past time to do something about that.

In 2005, I had a different weight loss journal and wrote the following words:

I don't really eat that badly, except that I tend not to eat. Besides skipping meals, I forget to eat. For days. Honestly, I do. Then when I do eat I sometimes over-eat to compensate for days of not eating. I do like the occasional Big Mac or slice of pizza, but it's not an every day thing for me. Combine the not eating/binge eating with more than a few years on medications that liked to add roughly 15-25 pounds a year to my body, a dead metabolism, and next to no real physical activity, and... well, the fat was bound to form. And it did. It just never really mattered to me.

The number of my weight is really unimportant to me. I don't really care how much I weigh. It's just a number. I don't even own a scale. If I want to know my weight, I hop onto the scale at the grocery store down the street. It's something I try to do at least once a week and actually accomplish once every month or two. That number means that little to me.

And it means so much to the rest of the world. I'll never understand that.

So why, if how much I weigh means so little to me, is this journal here?

Because I have a pair of jeans in the footlocker of my closet that I want to get back into. I have a little red dress that I want to wear again. I need to be able to record this transformation so that on "bad days" I can stop and look back and see that it's not just a waste of time and find the strength I need to remain focused. The journey is just as important as the destination, and while my weight doesn't matter to me, how I feel and fit into my clothes has become important to me again. Not... so that I look good for others, but so that I look on the outside like I feel inside.

It's time to end that internal/external conflict.

For no one else but myself.

That still holds true. Though I fell off the wagon and gained a bit of the weight back, it still holds true.

Things have changed, though. As I said, I've gained some weight and I now own a scale that lives in the bathroom. I try to remember to weigh myself everyday, but it's not a priority and I don't get obsessive about the numbers.

While glancing through my old journal, I also found the following:

I'm changing the way I do things. It's more of a lifestyle change, though I don't particularly like that phrasing either. It's too... trendy... for me. I don't want to spend the rest of my life walking around with a measuring cup, measuring spoons, tape measure, scale, calculator, and notebook in my purse (forget for the moment that I don't usually carry a purse) just so I can eat.

So what if I don't eat exactly x calories? So what if I eat four ounces of steak rather than three? Or...whatever. How long would I last before I snapped and killed someone in a raving fit of lunacy because they wanted me to eat something that I couldn't calculate the calories of accurately? And knowing me, I'd find a way to kill them with that measuring cup, measuring spoons, tape measure, scale and calculator. I'd keep the notebook to scribble down the details afterward.

It seems ridiculous to me to try and maintain that sort of regime when it comes to food. I don't see a point in training myself to measure every little thing to the nth degree while trying to lose weight only to have to retrain myself to a different way of eating and thinking later just to maintain the weight loss. Or be stuck measuring everything for the rest of my life. No, I can't see it. I'll just start from the beginning, relearning to eat properly. More or less. If nothing else, I'm training myself from the start to be consciously aware of portion sizes. Without the constant measuring.

Without that dependency.

Again, that holds true. And that's what I'm going to start doing again. Yes, I want to lose weight, but I also want to live my life and still enjoy food, not make eating a punishment or something difficult that I dread.

I don't know yet if I'll record my food here, though I may. I already record it (though not in any great detail) in a notebook for my next doctor visit. Recording it here would be redundant, and I'm not sure it's important enough to bother. But I could be wrong. Having all the information in one place may be helpful, and copying it into my nightly entries would add but a few minutes to my blogging time. It's something I'll have to consider.

As for the exercising, I'm doing the virtual tour across America, and with any luck I'll be able to utilize the exercise tapes and dvds I have. But that comes later. Also, in the fall (when the weather becomes less oppressive) I plan to start walking again. Maybe I'll do the virtual tour across America for that, too.

No matter what I end up doing, because my plans will undoubtedly change as my body changes, I'm up for the challenge. I'll take it all one step at a time, though, because I know better than to rush things. This isn't just about shedding a bunch of fat, it's a journey to becoming healthier and fitter.